Walking the path

Please meet Sunny, the mascot of
Sydney Children Hospital. Sigh… I so miss Sunny. This is my 6^th
night shift, whenever Sunny is out, I am in bed…

All my working life, I have been in big
teaching hospital, besides last year in club Mona (ie Mona Vale
Hospital). Sydney Children Hospital, is part of Prince of Wales
Hospital, the biggest teaching hospital complex in Australia. Working
in Sydney Children Hospital, I should be like fish back in water…
but I am experiencing reverse cultural shock.

Nights are busy, non-stop! One call
after another. I will be lucky to get 5 minutes to sit down for a cup
of tea. Luckily there is a good functioning water cooler on level 3
that keep me hydrated over night. Quite a contrast with Mona Vale
nights, usually it become quiet after midnight, and I will be lucky
to be called there after. (hehe… lucky because in Mona Vale, the
hospital pay you a very competitive rate for call back!)

Being out in Mona Vale, seeing kids
with acute illness, sometimes I have forgotten how complicated the
chronically ill children can be. It is common that these children
have  a medical record thicker than the phone book. Reviewing some of
this patients at night is time consuming, luckily most of them have a
comprehensive managed plan lay down by the day team.

Starting off in a new place is never
easy… we are all trying to work out how much we can trust each
other. Winning over the trust of the nursing staffs take some time, I
am glad to have a lot of support from the nurses while working in
Mona Vale. I am working to win over the nurses in Sydney Children
Hospital, it is not easy, I am just another junior medical staffs to
them.

After most nights, I would head
straight back home, take a shower, check my emails, and head to bed.
Unfortunately, with mess up circadian rhythm, I could only sleep for
very few hours. I have also been eating one meal a day… Having big
big dinner but sleep through lunch. Hehe… the combination of lack
of sleep and not much food, my jeans did feel loser.

The nights are challenging, I will
survive it:)

***Hehe… you know how bad it is, when
you actually need to resort to positive thinking!***

Handed in my pager (don’t really miss
you), my last call back form (I will really really miss you), and my
room keys in Mona Vale. It has been a interesting and enjoyable year.
Goodbye Mona Vale, I am moving on.

Glad that my Little Yellow Jazz is so
roomy. It is pretty impressive how much of stuff I managed to collect
over past one year.

Sydney Children Hospital, is part of a
group of hospital called Prince of Wales Hospitals. I am staying in
the hostel. This is the room, soon after I moved some of the stuff
in. One thing missing from the room is a RADIATOR… Last night was
freezing cold. I think I have to buy a fan heater, well it is not
that green, but anything else that generate heat (?hot wife
inclusive) will cost a lot more…

Other problem is that, there is no
fridge space However, dinner out in Kingsford cost only $10, maybe
there is no need for a fridge.

Starting my first of 8 nights
tonight… It does remind me of the sleepless nights in Royal
Belfast Hospital for Sick Children… I am glad to be back in a
Children Hospital!

Small steps in this epic journey… at
least I am heading the intended direction…

I Went to the Change Your Mind, Change
The World conference last weekend. Mitra, the organizer did a good
job to managed a crowd of nearly 400 people, including providing tea
and lunch over the 2 days. The speakers were generally good, some are
just inspiring…

When I was 12 years old, I wanted to be
the Prime Minister of Malaysia. When I was 15-16 years old, I was
idealistic, I wanted to change the world, I wanted a perfect world.
But soon, I realized that the country/the world is in a mess, and I
can do as much as I want, but will not have much effect in sorting
out the mess. My energy is finite, I no longer aspire to change the
big world. Improving my immediate surrounding is much manageable
task. (Hmmm…. Maybe I should start by fixing the mess in my room.)

During the conference, we were ask to
attend workshops, on topics that really resonate with our heart. I
attended one of the work shop  on Racism And Intolerance. Sifu Yuan
Shi (a Ch’an Master) who happen to walk by, said that Racism is BLIND
(why blind? You may need to ask him yourself). I can imagine that it
must be difficult for blind people to be racist, by definition they
are having trouble seeing the physical body, let alone trying to
differentiate our colour. Interestingly, among this group of seven,
there were five people who had grown up in Malaysia, one from China,
and a Australian Caucasian.  (Out of the 400 participants, about half
are Caucasian). This topic seems to be resonating in some more than
others.

The other workshop that I attended was
the Meaning of Life. Actually, I did attended 2 workshop on this
topic, still unclear about the Meaning of Life after the first
workshop, I decided to attend the second. The lay facilitators
probably have some ideas of what is the Meaning of THEIR life, but
the rest of the group is still searching for the meaning of our life.

Being away from home, working long
hours (up to 120hr/week! Usually 50-70hrs), I did sit back and ask
myself, is this the meaning of life? Am I living or surviving? Don’t
get me wrong, I love my job, I love working. During long holidays (ie
more than 10 days), when I start to feel bored, I do ask myself, is
this Life?

The facilitators and some others in the
group, did suggested that there is a Ultimate Meaning of Life. At
this moment of time, I believe, that life is a journey, not a
destination. Instead of finding the “meaning of life” and work
towards it, I choose to wander along this journey, experiencing every
moment, living in the present. Maybe there is no meaning to life, we
just walk along the path of life, until we drop dead…

“The purpose of life is to be Happy.”
The Dalai Lama. That is another thought.

Went for a 4 days meditation retreat
with UNIBUDS last week. Feeling refreshed now:)

Sunnataram Forest Monastery is in
Bundanoon, Southern Highland of NSW. The temple ground is about 100
acres of bushland, right beside a national park. The air quality is
great, and there is no sound or light pollution. The night sky was
dotted with stars, amazing.

The Abbot, Phra Mana is naturally
warmth, at peace with himself and the world. I can feel loving
kindness radiating from him.

60+ members of UNIBUDS attended this
retreat. As usual, this is a bubbly, energetic group. I was really
impress with how some of the girls took care of another member who
was not so well, making sure that she was comfortable and safe. If
only the health care workers are as dedicated as them.

Special thanks to the Aunties
volunteering in the kitchen. Food was good and healthy, much better
than the food that I am feeding myself for the past 1 year in
Australia.

Meditation was not so great for me. I
was finding it really difficult to concentrate and be mindful. Most
time, I could hardly managed one pointedness beyond 20 seconds…
Just felt really empty in me, could not find the mental energy to
meditate… Is this an excuse?

I enjoyed the physical work of chopping
up firewoods and making the “boxes” (coffin for contemplation
about death). It was good relaxation, non taxing on my brain.

The wildlifes in Sunnataram roam freely
in the Monastery compound. There are a few wombats,   Indian
Peafowls, and plenty of parrots and ducks. The wildlife are calm and
undisturbed.

Read YangYi’s blog and Julian’s blog
about this retreat.

Australian King Parrot (Male)

Australian King Parrot (Female)

Crimson Rosella

After 72 hours on-call, I felt like
this tree trunk… burnout and hollow, barely surviving.

I decided to
unwind in Ku-ring-gai Chase National Park, not far from my place. As
my fitness level is no where near the time when I was preparing for
Border Trek 2005, I drove to the entrance of the National Park,
taking 30km off my cycle trip.

The first 1km was up hill all the
way… nearly gave up. Really miss those days in Belfast, when I used
to fly (cycle) up and down town with no pain. After the body had warm
up, the cycle is less painful, and I could actually enjoy my
surrounding. The ride in Ku-ring-gai Chase is great, no car! At one
point, there was a wallaby by the road, looking at this F*t man
puffing away up the hill.

After 12km of lovely cycle (which took
me an hour! Well it was hills after hills. At least that was what I
felt.), I reached the Basin Trek. The trek is 2.8km one way. It was
about 3pm, and I thought I have plenty of time… I chain up my bike
and started trekking into the bush with my dSLR (camera).

There was plenty of birds singing, but
as usual they were always illusive and camera shy. This Tree of
Fertility became my model.

After a long walk and a deep descend, I
reached the Basin. This is a peaceful bay, with a camping area.

The Australian Wood  Duck with stunning
feather details.

The wallabies feeding on the ground.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                I left the Basin shortly after 4pm.
Disappointed not sighting the Sea Eagles that suppose to be nesting
near the Basin at this time of the year. Also there was no show from
the Yellow Honeyeaters.

Trekking back was tough! My quadriceps
were hurting… Maybe I have been neglecting my fitness level for too
long…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         Half way through, I heard a loud call
and spotted this little fella on a tree. This White Cheeked
Honeyeater is definitely camera shy, it took quite a while before I
got  this shot. Worth all my effort trekking and cycling.

The sun was setting fast…. But I
could not resist taking this photo.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            By the time I reach my bicycle, it was
nearly completely dark. I start panicking! I ate my last cereal bar
quickly and take off. The wind was cold, the temperature did drop
quickly after sunset. With 4 blinking LEDs, I was not prepared to
cycle in the dark, deep in the National Park. Worse of all, my water
bottle is empty, I have run out of energy drink.

The LED light is really hopeless. I can
hardly see my way. I did not fancy the idea of spending my night in
the bush with the wallabies and ??Dingo, so I have no choice but to
keep cycling. While climbing the first hill, my quadriceps went into
spasm (which happens to me after 80km during my Border Trek
experience).   I though I would have to spend the night in the bush.
But luckily after some stretching, I was able to go back on the
route. The 12km in darkness was not fun. Worse when a wild animal the
size of a wallaby nearly rush into my bicycle.

I was glad to see my Yellow Jazz….